Is it because he believes judges should have to pass religious tests to prove they love Jesus many bunches? Because that seems like an eensy bit of an ethics issue to us, possibly even something that might put his security clearance in danger.
Is it because he was on the board of a scammy scummy fraud-y invention investment company called World Patent Marketing that scummily scammed people, including veterans, out of their life savings, and is now under investigation by the FBI? Is it because of all the awesome stuff World Patent Marketing did when Whitaker was on the board and wrote threatening letters to people who were mad about how the company defrauded them?
For instance, maybe DoJ was just really impressed with how World Patent Marketing argued that DNA has proven the existence of Bigfoot, because that's just obviously science. Maybe it's the video scammy scummy World Patent Marketing put out extolling the virtues of fellow shitty scammy scummy businessman Donald Trump, because of how they are all total con-men.
Some people save the whales, others cure cancer, but Matt Whitaker's company was dick deep in the physical challenge of making sure the longest dicks among us don't end up wading in the kiddie pool every time Big Daddy takes a dump. Here, learn about the Masculine Toilet, because that is what it is really called:. I think I broke my pelvis! This is probably a conversation that happens a lot in America because of Matthew Whitaker's contributions to society.
Maybe DoJ was just impressed that, as Milbank reports, back in Whitaker listed a personal injury lawsuit as one of the "most significant cases" he had ever used his lawyerin' skills on. Oh hey maybe it's because of all the steroids. No, hear us out!
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We have been making jokes and calling Whitaker "Meatball" and saying he maybe is totally 'roided out, but look what happened when the Federal Trade Commission raided World Patent Marketing's Florida offices:. Of course. Why wouldn't they have found a shitload of testosterone prescriptions at the offices of the company where the acting attorney general of the United States used to be on the advisory board, which was just across from "Tootsie's," where the ladies are guaranteed to be all the way naked?
- The Sinister Mr. Corpse - A Zombie Comedy.
- Mirror, Mirror: Reflections on Who You Are and Who Youll Become (invert).
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